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From the Scrolls of Rux the Bard
Thursday, January 26, 2023
WHAT IF...?
WHAT IF the Tolkien Estate had gone ahead with a pitch to make adaptations of the Lord of the Rings and other tales set in the world of Middle-earth, in the form of a cinematic universe?, i.e., "There was an idea...."  



Phases One through Three: The Eucatastrophe Saga

Phase One

Ironfoot
The Incredible Holbytla
Thranduilson
Ironfoot  2
Captain Dunedain: the First Adventurer
The Adventurers

Phase Two

Ironfoot 3
Thranduilson: The Wraith World
Captain Dunedain: The Steward's Soldier
Guardians of the Galadhrim, Vol I
The Adventurers: Age of Saruman
Pint-sized

Phase Three

Captain Dunedain: Civil Kinstrife
Doctor Stormcrow
Guardians of the Galadhrim, Vol II
Spider's Bane: Homeleaving
Thranduilson: Dagor Dagorath
Black Pathfinder
The Adventurers: Eucatastrophe Wars
Pint-sized and the Rasp
Captain Galadriel
The Adventurers: End Dagorath
Spider's Bane: Far from Bag End

Phase Four (now with both full length standalone features and series)

Black Shelob
PalantirVision (series)
Peregrin and the Steward's Soldier (series)
Celebrimbor and the Legend of Twenty Rings
LOOK, HE's Redeemed and Romantic! (series)
What If We Just Don't? (animated series)
The Istari
Lidless-eye (series)
Spider's Bane: No Way Back Again
Man-in-the-Moon Knight (series)
Minas Morgul (series)
Doctor Stormcrow and How a Cinematic Universe would be Madness
Thranduilson 4: Love and Shield-Surfing
She-Elf: Apprentice at Lore  (series)
Guardians of the Galadhrim: the Yule Special (TV movie, seasonal)
Black Pathfinder: Wandering Forever

Phases Five and Six.  The WTF-verse Saga

Phase Five

Pint-Sized and the Rasp: Quest-o-Mania
Annatar's Secret Invasion
Guardians of the Galadhrim, Vol III
Eä! The Music of the Ainur (a musical series)
The Morguls
Iron-Home: Rise of Angmar (series)
Blade-that-was-Broken
Beruthiel: Cat-Queen of Chaos (series)
Dare-devilry: Awakened Again (series)
Captain Galadriel: Second Age Order
Thorondor Bolts

Phase Six

Fantastic Fellowship 
The Adventurers: The Angband Dynasty
The Adventurers: Secret Wargs
Armored Wargs (initially announced as a series, switched to full feature last minute, weird)
Untitled Celebrimbor and the Legend of the Twenty Rings Sequel (my proposal: Celebrimbor and the Legend of the Twenty Rings: A Banner Year)
 
 
To be updated upon further announcements about further Morgul Cinematic Universe productions.




My signature link to index:

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Posted by Michael Liem at 9:08 AM EST
Tuesday, January 17, 2023

This one I wrote in 2011, called Moria (the tune is Eagles, Hotel California), one of the earliest Tolkien-related parody song lyrics I had ever done. Continued working at it since then, and I've revised it just today.

🥁[DRUMS:] *Doom! Doom!*

In a dark Dwarven mine-way,
Without wind in our hair,
Foul smell of detritus
Rising up through the air,
Up ahead in the distance,
The paths forked left, down, and right.
Our heads grew heavy and our sight grew dim--
We had to stop for the night.

🎶

The Watcher had blocked the doorway;
Our wizard took the helm,
And we were thinking to ourselves,
This could be Ûdun, not the Blessed Realm.
Then he lit up a crystal,
And he showed us the way.
Orcs were drumming down the corridor.
We thought we heard them say:

🎶

Welcome to the carven halls of Moria!
Such a lovely place
For your burial space.
Plenty of mithril to mine down here in Moria.
Any time of year,
You can perish here.

🎶

The tunnels tortuously twisted,
They’ve got the Orc-laden bends,
We found a lot of gritty, gritty bones,
Complete dead ends.
Drop a chain down a deep well,
Foo-oo-oo-ool of a Took!
I think they’ve got a cave troll,
Quick, let’s read Ori’s book….

🎶

Then came forth the chieftain,
Speared me through my right side.
I thought, if it hadn’t worn my mail-shirt here,
I would have surely died.
And still that Dimrill-gate calling from far away.
See the Orcs all scattering in fright
Of a Shadow and Flame.

🎶

Welcome to the balrog haunt of Moria!
Such a lovely place,
Now it’s time to race!
Plenty of bottomless pits down here in Moria.
What a curious thing,
Does it have real wings?

🎶

With his staff and Glamdring,
Standing over the crevasse,
He said, “I am a servant of the secret fire,
YOU SHALL NOT PASS!”
But forth the demon clambered,
And as the bridge broke anon,
Gandalf caught in that whip of flame,
“Fly you fools!” he cried, and was gone.

🎶

Last thing I remember, we were
Running for the door,
We had to find the passage there
To the place we headed for.
“Relax,” said the Lady.
A sad lament did we hear.
“What’s it mean?” I heard Merry ask,
But the grief was too near.

🎸[guitar solo]

The above is intended as a work of parody that is protected as Fair Use of copyrighted material pursuant to federal law, 17 U.S.C. 107   

Lyrical Adaptation lyrics Copyright 2011 Michael Liem All Rights Reserved.
Original song credit: Eagles "Hotel California"


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Posted by Michael Liem at 8:57 AM EST
Friday, January 13, 2023
The One Ring (The Beach Boys, California Girls)
🎶
🎶
Well, Three Rings for the Elven-kings who dwell under the sky,
And the Seven for the Dwarven-lords, where in their halls of stone they hide,
The Nine for Mortal Men, they’re really doomed to die alone,
And the ONE for me, the Dark Lord who sits here on my dark and dreadful throne:
🎶
🎶
🎶
The One to Rule Them All and to Find Them,
The One to Bring Them All and to Bind Them,
The One to Bring Them All where the Shadows Lie!’
🎶
🎶
🎶
An Elven buddy of mine, Celebrimbor “Silver-Hands,”
He called me Lord of Gifts, ol’ Annatar, he thought I spoke for Valar lands.
I showed him how to take some gold and forge some special rings,
‘Cuz I couldn’t wait to show my new mate something else, just one more thing: 
🎶
🎶
🎶
Azh nazg durbatulúk, gimbatul,
Azh nazg thrakatulûk, krimpatul,
Azh nazg thrakatulûk, where Shadows lie!
🎶
🎶
🎶
The One to Rule Them All and to Find Them (forge, forge, forge, yeah you got it)
The One to Bring Them All and to Bind Them (forge, forge, forge, yeah you got it)
The One to Bring Them All where the Shadows (forge, forge, forge, yeah you got it) 
Lie! (forge, forge, forge, yeah you got it)
🎶
😁
 
The above is intended as a work of parody that is protected as Fair Use of copyrighted material pursuant to federal law, 17 U.S.C. 107   

Lyrical Adaptation lyrics Copyright 2011 Michael Liem All Rights Reserved.
Original song credit: "California Girls" the Beach Boys

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Posted by Michael Liem at 11:47 AM EST
Updated: Friday, January 13, 2023 11:49 AM EST
Thursday, January 12, 2023
follow up to earlier post entitled "Why the difference indeed"

As a follow up to the preceding post, again inspired by a follow up question by Marigold Brandyfoot.  Paraphrase: Were the Valar guilty of being "helicopter parents"? What might have happened differently if the Valar had chosen to act differently with the first Elves?  Could there have been positive results?  
 
 
If the Valar had left the Elves alone per Ulmo, what a different Middle-earth it might have been. Or, could it be that they were created and designed to have the Sea-longing instinct, no matter what the Valar did?

Perhaps there would have been Sundering of Elves one way or another. So if there were no summons, and assuming the Quendi were able to fend for themselves despite Morgoth and the dimness of the sky, I imagine there would nonetheless have been a sundering. The Quendi split between Eldar and Avari. The Vanyar and Noldor complete the journey. The Nandor splinter off from the westbound Teleri. The Sindar further split off from the remaining Teleri, who leave them behind to complete the journey and become the Falmari. Or something like that. Perhaps there would have been different groups and divisions at different times and under different circumstances. But the big picture might remain on average the same as how it went down in Quenta Silmarillion: some Elves end up seeing the Light of the Trees, but eventually come back to M-e and share their insights with Men and with the land, making it more beautiful in ways that the Umanyar could not.

Or another possibility, there would be no Sundering. Still assuming the Quendi survive the dangers of their situation, perhaps they stay together, and form a herd mentality like the Harfoots. Presumably they would excel to greater heights, both figuratively and literally. But then most likely, none of them ever see the light of the Trees of Valinor, and there would be no one to see it and bring that knowledge back to the land of their awakening. That would be to the detriment of M-e and the other races that inhabit it. And without the Noldor, perhaps there would be no Earendil and therefore no one to ask the Valar for aid against Morgoth. Morgoth, potentially, wins.

Here's yet another possibility. What if the Valar had acted differently even earlier: instead of leaving M-e upon the destruction of the Lamps and of Almaren, what if they didn't leave for Aman but instead stayed in M-e and grew the two trees there rather than far west. What if they had stayed to fight back and defend the continent rather than cut and run? That would take the 'helicopter parents' metaphor to an even further extreme. The Elves, Men, and other races wouldn't have much room to grow and learn as they did.

Posted by Michael Liem at 11:23 AM EST
Updated: Thursday, January 12, 2023 11:36 AM EST
Why the difference indeed: Why did the Valar treat the first Men differently to how they acted with regard to the first Elves?
This was inspired by a post by a Facebook user who goes by the names Marigold Brandyfoot and Beth Webber in the private group in which I am a member, Of the Rings of Power and the *Second* Age, which was formed in October 2022 by a user who goes by the name Adar. To paraphrase the question posed therein, why were the Secondborn Children of Iluvatar (Men, humans, or the Atani, meaning Second People) treated differently upon their first awakening, from the initial arising of their Firstborn counterparts (Elves, or the Quendi, meaning Speaker).

The post included the following quotes from The Silmarillion:

Of the Elves:

[After defeating Melkor while the Elves still resided in Middle Earth]...The Valar were gathered in council and they were divided in debate. For some, and of those Ulmo was the chief , held that the Quendi should be left free to walk as they would in Middle Earth, and with their gifts of skill order all lands and heal their hurts. But the most part feared for the Quendi in the dangerous world amid the deceits of the starlight dusk...At the last, the Valar summoned the Quendi to Valinor...From this summons came many woes that afterwards befell..."

Of Men

"At the first rising of the Sun the Younger Children of Iluvatar awoke in the land of Hildorien in the eastward regions of Middle Earth...to Hildorien there came no Vala to guide Men, or to summon them to dwell in Valinor, and Men have feared the Valar rather than loved them...not understanding the purposes of the Powers ..."

The question verbatim was: "Why the difference? What do you think may have been lost, or gained, if the Valar had acted differently, in both cases?"

Why the difference indeed. This is a thoughtful and profound question. The difference is monumental and fundamental in importance; it goes to Tolkien's message about the nature of humanity and what that nature signifies. The Firstborn are bound to the circles of the world, in contrast to the Secondborn, who are not. A related question would be: Why bestow the Gift of Iluvatar to Man and not also Elves and to the Ainur?

My take on it is that Iluvatar might have wanted something different. Besides, perhaps it wasn't in His interest to give the gift to just anybody. The Ainur and the Elves served an important purpose, and their immortality and connection to Arda helped make them more valuable and effective in fulfilling that purpose. And since there were already Ainur and Elves by the time the Second awakened, perhaps the One felt at liberty to be generous, and out of benevolence and love, He bestowed the Gift to the Secondborn. A gift that would be envied by Elves and Ainur alike.

Now, as for the different treatment of the Quendi and the Atani, note that the respective awakenings of which were separated by a millennium. As the quotes in your post remind us, the Valar summoned the Q's because of the danger of Melkor, especially in the dark, as it was when they were awakened at Cuivienen. Varda had only just finished placing the stars in the sky, which then became the only light source. A millennium later, one might argue that, practically speaking, the Valar did not summon the A's because there was less need. The stars had been up all that time, the moon had risen seven times, and the sun had just dawned for the first time ever. Although Morgoth was at large as he, as Melkor, was with the Elves when they awakened, now not only was there now such thing as daytime, and sources of light in the night sky, but also, there were a host of Elves to counter the Enemy's menace, including the formidable and inventive Noldor.

However, underpinning that difference in circumstances, the lack of attention to the Atani in contrast to the concern that the Valar had for the Elves could be a reflection that the Atani were slated to be free, as beneficiaries of the Gift. This idea is brought up at length and depth in the debate between Finrod and Andreth, which is featured in the book Morgoth's Ring. He tries to learn about Man from her, and about her beliefs relating to mortality, and they have an exchange of ideas that I found reminiscent of the dialogues of Socrates. At one point she tells him she believes the Valar have forsaken Man, because Man was never summoned to Aman as the Elves were. In response, he makes the suggestion that Man was not summoned because they were beyond the scope of the Valar, for Men govern themselves under the hand of the One. The conversation turns to thngs like the origin of Man's mortality, and the differences and similarities between Man's fear and that of the Elves. Finrod dispels her of her belief that her mortality was because of Morgoth's corruption, and teaches her that it is a gift from Eru. It is not an easy lesson for her and the discussion goes on. Finrod manages to make the point that while Elves fea and hroa are in harmony, like a marriage, the fea and hroa of Man are disjointed, because their fea is not of Arda and will be free of it, unlike that of the Elves. In short, that whole discussion speaks to the heart of your question.

To wrap it up: Why the difference? In short, because of the Gift, and in more detail, it's what the big Finrod / Andreth talk is all about. What may have been lost, or gained, if the Valar had acted differently, in both cases? If the Valar had not summoned the Elves, they risked losing them all to Morgoth. If Valar had summoned Man, they would have acted against Eru by violating Man's Gift of freedom to shape their futures.

Posted by Michael Liem at 11:19 AM EST
Wednesday, January 11, 2023
Goldberry Theory (incomplete and in progress)

What is the nature of Goldberry?  She is introduced in the early chapters of Fellowship of the Ring such as "The Old Forest" and "In the House of Tom Bombadil", but there remains ongoing debate about her nature as a being among the creatures and entities that appear in Tolkien's stories and other canonical materials about Middle-earth.    
 
Outside of the story, Tolkien has said that she represents seasonal change in the lands that she inhabits.
"We are not in 'fairy-land', but in real river-lands in
autumn. Goldberry represents the actual seasonal changes in such lands."--JRRT, Letter 210.

Within the story, the nature of Goldberry is quite an enigma, perhaps more mysterious even than that of Tom Bombadil. At least his presence is accounted for in the Ainulindale creation story.

In LOTR, she introduces herself to Frodo and his Hobbit companions as "daughter of the River". The effect she has on Frodo upon his seeing her is described as different from the feeling he gets upon seeing Elves: "He stood as he had at times stood enchanted by fair elven-voices; but the spell that was now laid upon him was different: less keen and lofty was the delight, but deeper and nearer to mortal heart; marvellous and yet not strange."

In the Adventures of Tom Bombadil poem, she is called "the River-woman’s daughter". So, is she daughter of the River, or daughter of a River-woman? I take it that "River-woman" is not to be taken literally; the River-woman is the River. Does "the River" mean all rivers, in the poetic sense like the way a naiad could be said to be a nymph of "the" river or lake. "the" as in "Hungry like *the* Wolf"? Or "the" River meaning the local river Withywindle? who knows. But if she's the daughter of the Withywindle, that would imply that every other river could have a daughter too. Where are they?

Either way, in said poem, she behaves like a mischievous river nymph or naiad, some kind of fresh water sprite or sylph, a nature spirit. That seems to line up with the introduction of her as the daughter of the River, or rivers in general. But of course, nothing is simple. As mentioned, the creation story does not account for a River-daughter, River-woman's daughter, river nymph, naiad, sprite, sylph, or nature spirit (apart from an Ainu of some kind).

So what kind of being could she be? We know there are the Ainur, of whom some became the Valar and Maiar; and there are the spirits Yavanna summoned, who became the Eagles and the Ents; and there are the Children: Elves, Dwarves, and Men (and Hobbits). And then other than the Maiar and Valar, there are "nameless things". plus there are "spirit" entities that are not counted among the Ainur in the Valaquenta. Ungoliant is a spirit from the Void. There are dragons and trolls. If Tom Bombadil is a spirit, then there's him. Besides them, the books mention "spirits" of various kinds, which are understood to be Maiar. Example, evil spirits that Melkor put into 'fell beasts' to turn them into werewolves. Evil spirits that he sent among the first Elves to sow seeds of doubt against the Valar. The Maiar fire spirits like Arien, and like those that were corrupted and made into balrogs. So which is Goldberry similar? I don't think it's meant to be clear what she is. Just something that tells us that not everything in the subcreation is explained with a clear origin story. Eru works in mysterious ways.

There is a theory, my favorite one about Tom, that posits that he is the embodiment of the Music of the Ainur, espoused by Rangerofthenorth. Perhaps Goldberry is the embodiment of Rivers? or Rivers and Lakes, streams, springs, any natural fresh water? that would seem to align her with the Vala Ulmo. yet, she doesn't seem attached to Ulmo or any Vala.

Maybe she's not about rivers or waters of any kind per se, but she is has something to do with Incarnate life, the embodiment of Embodiment, or Incarnation, itself. That might explain why she and Tom are married. Assuming the Tom is the embodiment of the Music of the Ainur theory, it would make sense that the Music would be drawn to Embodiment itself. The Music is what built all of Ea, but perhaps it needed to be 'married' to Incarnation in order for that to work.

This is not a complete theory. It is a work in progress. Constructive thoughts and feedback welcome.
 
Note: previously the above, minus the first paragraph, was posted on January 9, 2023 in reply as an answer to a question posted in the private Facebook group Of the Rings of Power and the *Second* Age, which was founded by an admin who goes by the name Adar.   

Posted by Michael Liem at 12:30 PM EST
In ep 8, was Sauron / Halbrand's offer to Galadriel a marriage proposal? (The Lord of the Rings: Rings of Power, series on Prime video)
I was inspired to answer the above question that was posed by the founder of the Facebook private group entitled Of the Rings of Power and the *Second* Age, who goes by the name Adar.   Below is my reply:

 
 
"I would make you a queen." When those words are said by someone who has been acclaimed as king, it sounds at least technically like a marriage proposal. He was also talking about having her at his side. The reflection in the water showed them standing together as a bride and groom would at the altar, and with a crown appearing briefly on his head. His meaning was clear enough...or was it? Who knows what marriage means to Sauron when he utters those words?
Southlander society seems to recognize the institution of marriage, but Sauron knows that the jig is up with Galadriel. He must know at that point that any understanding on her part about marriage would be from her own perspective under Elven rules and customs, rather than that of any existing human community.
It is unclear whether matrimony, as a sacrament and/or as a societal institution, is recognized among Maiar on their own terms. But we do know that a Maia has married an Elf before, Melian and Thingol. Melian specifically and purposely, took the fana of an Elf, with the intention of assimilating into that society at Thingol's side. She made it clear that she took the meaning of marriage in accordance with Elven ways. But here we have Sauron in the fana of a Man. Not quite the same clarity.
At that point, he's been revealed as a slippery, sly-tongued deceiver. Albeit avoiding outright lies, or at least adhering to statements that are at least true from some point of view, nonetheless he speaks in malicious ambiguities, designed to be misinterpreted in ways that allow him to take advantage. I wouldn't blame Galadriel for not taking it as a serious marriage proposal.

Posted by Michael Liem at 12:23 PM EST
Tuesday, January 10, 2023
The Adventures of Nori and the Stranger in Rhun, a Wizard's Tale (The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power).
The first evening of their adventure after leaving the caravan of Harfoots, the Stranger gazes up at the moon and wishes to be a full Istar, which means, he would need a real staff.


Then a Blue Wizard shows up--a young-looking female, graceful and serene, in sea-blue robes--and grants him his wish, but it's not a real staff. This one comes with issues: particularly, if he fibs, the staff gets stuck to his nose, and they fuse, becoming one with each other, so that he ends up having a very long and awkward wooden nose.


He and Nori continue on their way. Before long, they come upon a bards' troupe. Despite Nori's objections, he ends up becoming the main act for their traveling show. Nori reminds the Stranger of his duty, but the bards lock him in a cage. She tries to rescue him, but fails. The Blue Wizard then appears. When she asks him how he ended up in that situation, he fibs, and gets the staff stuck to his nose. The Blue Wizard frees him, separating the nose from staff and restoring both.


Later, Nori and the wizard come upon a chain-smoking halfling named Lampberry. Against Nori's protestations, the Stranger follows him and his halfling cohorts to an island in the middle of the Sea of Rhun, on the promise that there is a lot more pipe-weed out there. Nori "borrows" a boat from an Easterling fisherman and follows him to the island, where she finds nothing but pigs. She manages to get Stranger off the island, but he has a snout and a curly tail. She sees Lampberry transform into a pig before her eyes, and declares:


"Well, Lampberry. You shall now be...Pigberry."


As they escape on the borrowed boat, it gets capsized as a giant Worm appears from out of the murky depths. The Stranger watches in horror as Nori gets swallowed in its gaping maw. He leaps after her and ends up with her in the belly of that beast. Holding her unconscious form to keep her head out of the muck, he lifts his staff and chants:


"Hear me, Child of Ulmo, for I am a servant of the Master of the Flame Imperishable. I bid you...Bless You!"


In reaction to the shockwave that emits from his staff, the Worm convulses, and unleashes a horrific sneeze, catapulting the two companions out in a long arc.

They end up on the shore, where the Stranger lies pale and unmoving, and his staff is broken. Nori is unharmed, having landed on the Stranger, cushioning her fall. But the Blue Wizard appears, replaces the broken staff with a "real" staff, wakes him up, and declares him a full member of the Istari. Nori thanks her, and the Blue Wizard hands her a shiny badge of gold, in the shape of the silhouette of a cricket with a top hat and cane.


In the distance, they hear the Blue Wizard singing:


If your heart is in your dream,
No request is too extreme!

[A CHORUS OF MAIAR JOINS IN:]
When you wish, my bon Istar,
Your dreams come true!
 
 
 
 ______
 
Author's note: The above is intended as a work of parody that is protected as Fair Use of copyrighted material pursuant to federal law, 17 U.S.C. 107   

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Posted by Michael Liem at 7:57 AM EST
Updated: Tuesday, January 10, 2023 9:33 AM EST
Friday, January 6, 2023
Nicknames for the Dweller, the Ascetic, and the Nomad in Prime's The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power
The Mystics (left to right:) The Dweller, the Ascetic, and the Nomad

Officially, these three characters have been credited as (left to right) The Dweller, the Ascetic, and the Nomad, and collectively as the Mystics.  But I've been referring to them my own way. Here are my nicknames for them so far, in no particular order:

The F'Eminems.
The Weird Sister Act.
The Three Unfunny Stooges.
The Three Billy Idols Gruff.
Charlie's Balrogs.  

Saurie's Angels
Strangers with Eye Candy.    
Assassins Creepy.  

Assassin's Creep

Once...Twice...Three Times a Shady.
The Eyein', the Witch, and the Nun's Robes

Chronicles of Snarlia: The Eyein', the Witch, and the Nun's Robes.

Sisterhood of the Traveling Scowlypants.


Three Dog Night
The Violent F'Eminems
Sisterhood of the Traveling Pyromaniacs or Psychopaths
the Goonettes
the Buzzkills
Booey, Screwy and Kablooey
Ruth Buzzie
Shady Gaga
Unsmiley Cyrus
the Cheer Squad
The Sauronettes
the Fan Club
the Groupies
the Rhunettes
Pompons, Helmet, and Ahsoka Tano in a Robe
Blue Oyster Cult ("Don't Fear the Creeper" "I'm Burnin' your Food")
Buzz Lightyourthingsonfire
Mystic Peachfuzz
My Life with the Thrill Kill Cult
G.L.O.W. (Gorgeous Ladies of "Whoopsie, wrong guy")
Edvard Munch's the Scream, Joan of Arc and Madonna of the Rocks?
Ghosts from Christmas Carol
Convent Rejects
Kelly Sabrina and Jill
Regina Karen and Gretchen
Mothwoman Prophecies
the Blue Meanies
the Do Rhun Rhun Rhun  ("🎶They thought that he was Sauron and their heart stood still, Da-Do-Rhun-Rhun-Rhun, Da-Do-Rhun-Rhun🎶")
Sisterhood of the Traveling Chants
Mystic Peachfuzz
P!nkball Wizard, Creepy Ahsoka Tano, and Helmet-girl Who Needed Better Foot Protection
Rhun Goons

Twisted Sisters
the Killjoys 
Snap Crackle and Pop 


Tic Tac and Toe
She Her Hers
Sisters of Curse-y
Nun the Wiser
Threepence Nun the Wiser
Threepenny Opera
Three Moth-keteers
Stink Stank Stunk
Weird Weirder Weirdest

Freak Chorus 

The Wicked Witches of the East. Their individual names: Wicked, Witch, and OftheEast. 
The Eastenders. 
The Three Sherlocks.
The Brides of Drag-you-East.
The Brides of Freakenstein.
The Brides of Freakula.


Sister (Witch-)Hazel.


The Grinch Who Burned the Caravan
Hot Fuzz


The Three Nasties


The Three Tricksies


Wicked, Tricksy, and False


The Three Weirdo Sisters
Three Weirdlings
Weird, Weirder and Weirdest
Forth Weirdlingas.
Frights in White Satin.
The Witches of Eastwick.
Divine Secrets of the Whoops-Wrong-Guy Sisterhood
The Brides of Einstein
The Tricksy Chicks
Torchsong Trilogy
We Three Freaks of Orient Are
Buzz Light-you


Snarlie's Angels
The Hood, the Bad and the Thugly

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Posted by Michael Liem at 9:49 AM EST
Updated: Tuesday, January 10, 2023 9:34 AM EST
Tuesday, January 3, 2023
Frodo's Burden: a lyrical adaptation post in honor of J.R.R. Tolkien's birthday
I am posting this lyrical adaptation in honor of the Professor (1892-1973)'s birthday, 131 years ago today.  I call this one FRODO’S BURDEN (Closer to Fine, the Indigo Girls)
🎶
🎶
[verse]
I’m trying to tell you something ‘bout my life, 
Maybe give me insight between Dark and Light. 
As Gandalf said, all for you to do 
With the time that fate has given you 
Is yours to decide, after all. (yeah) 
🎶
🎶 
[verse]
Well Darkness has a hunger that’s insatiable, 
Its power makes the Light side hard to hear. 
The One Ring's got me wrapped up like a blanket
I try to keep myself until I sank it 
In fire where it was forged. 
🎶
🎶 
[chorus]
I went with a gardener, 
We went to the mountain, 
We looked for the chamber, 
Its fire like a fountain. 
There’s more than one ending to this quest, Sam, 
It walks upon a razor line. 
(The less this wheel I stroke) The less I stroke this wheel within my fingertips, 
The closer I am to fine. 
The closer I am to fine. 
🎶
🎶 
[verse]
I brought with me a phial-glass from Galadriel 
That could light my way in places where all other lights would fail. 
She showed me a mirror, the lidless Eye was flaming, 
I thought I saw a warning of one who would betray me. 
I said take the Ring. She said: If that were mine, 
In the Dark Lord’s place, a Queen! 
🎶
🎶 
[chorus alternate]
I went with a gardener, 
We went to the mountain, 
We looked for the chamber, 
Its fire like a fountain. 
There’s more than one ending to this quest, Sam, 
It walks upon a razor line. 
(The less I clutch and stroke) The less I clutch this circle in my fingertips, 
The closer I am to fine. 
The closer I am to fine. 
🎶
🎶 
(instrumental) 
🎶
🎶  
[verse]
I ran to Sammath Naur, there at the end, 
To seek solace from this burden, and respite for my friends. 
I struggled with the shadow in my weakened, tainted soul, 
Twice as tortured as I’d been the night before, 
I claimed the Ring belonged to me. 
🎶
🎶  
[chorus second alternate, extended]
I went with a gardener, 
We went to the mountain, 
We looked for the chamber, 
Its fire like a fountain. 

And I fought with a creature, 
We fought in the mountain, 
He took on my burden, 
And fell to the fountain. 

Yeah I go with the gardener, 
We run from the flow-out, 
At the end of all things started, 
We’re airborne from the pull-out. 

There’s more than one ending to this quest, Sam, 
And I feel it’s come to mine. 
(The sooner from this world) The sooner from this world my final voyage, 
The closer I am to fine. 
The closer I am to fine. 
The closer I am to fine. 
 
 The above is intended as a work of parody that is protected as Fair Use of copyrighted material pursuant to federal law, 17 U.S.C. 107   

Lyrical Adaptation lyrics Copyright 2011 Michael Liem All Rights Reserved.
Original song credit: "Closer to Fine" the Indigo Girls

 

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Posted by Michael Liem at 8:31 AM EST
Updated: Tuesday, January 10, 2023 9:34 AM EST

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